endorphinehaze

New Wallpaper!!

2009-08-29T23:52:47Z

It's been a little while since I've made one of these. This is Fakir from Princess Tutu...turning into a tree.

Enjoy!!

(1024x768) **click to view photobucket page**

Widescreen (1440x900) **click to view photobucket page**

Useless post is useless!

2009-08-17T13:51:01Z

I've come to the conclusion that effects suck!...or was it that I suck at effects....oh well it doesn't matter all I know is that the guy who designed After Effects needs to be shot in the face!! Seriously, I can't find a god damn thing in that program!!! Also, what was wrong with integrating the concept of AF into Premier? I think it was just a ploy to get more money out of the consumers and, possibly, to piss us off!

*Is starting to think that she should have upgraded to Vegas rather than Adobe a few years ago*

Masking...I'm actually doing it right!!!!!!

2009-07-13T19:44:27Z

So for the new AMV I'm working on I decided it was finally about time I learn how to do masking. It takes a crazy long time to do but so far I'm really happy with the results :)

Check this out:

The Original Frames

Mask

And what it looks like in the video so far :)

To make it glow all I did was duplicate the mask into two separate layers; enlarged the bottom one and colored it white and then blurred it, finishing it off by adjusting the opacity of both layers :D (Sorry, I know I just confused everyone.)

So guys, what do you think!!

endorphinehaze @ 2009-07-07T05:48:00

2009-07-07T09:57:34Z

OMG it's been a while since I've posted anything o.O Hasn't really been much to post about anyway :p

I did feel the need to share this though:

http://iLike.com/s/9K7fs

I love her voice so much. Cant wait to get my hands on her new album.

Why me? Why now?

2009-04-21T06:33:20Z

To all who have ever suffered from anxiety in the past or who suffer with it now please know that you have my sympathies. The only way I thought I could ever feel like this is if I was dying.

I find it hard to concentrate on just about anything; my body shakes for no apparent reason; I hear my heart pounding in my ears and feel it banging against my chest and my throat feels like it's closing up on me...and I feel scared. At first I don't know what I feel scared about but it quickly turns into a fear of not knowing whats doing this to my body...and I really don't know.

The hospital staff did all sorts of blood work and did an EKG but all came back normal. The doctor said that what I had described was classic for panic attacks and I know she's right but it still doesn't help me feel any better when it just starts up out of nowhere. For heaven's sakes all I've been doing tonight is relaxing and reading a book. There's no reason for my body to be acting this way.

The shaking is the worst since it's what I've been feeling the most. It comes and goes and even the medication they gave me for it does little to help ease it up. It's not a violent shaking but more like shivering. Sometimes the people around me can't even tell that I'm having the tremors but I can feel them.

I also can't stand that it's effecting me like this. Why couldn't I just have the panic attack and then go back to normal. Is all this extra anxiety really necessary? Is it really just anxiety or could it be something else. I know there are a ton of other things that it could be that they didn't check for.

I admit it's not very likely that it's MS or Parkinson's disease (there are a lot of other symptoms I'd be having if it were those) but the tremors make me really nervous that it could be neurological. All I can think of is Max and sometimes even Bruce (though my shakes aren't anywhere near as bad as his) and then the rest of the symptoms come down on me and I'm left curled up in a ball on the couch holding back my sobs while I wait for the Ativan to work.

That's another thing about this whole thing that sucks: Ativan. I can't stand being forced to rely on medication. I know it's mostly because of all the time I've been working at the rest home dishing out meds to the residents but still. I don't feel myself when I take the pill and I don't feel myself when I don't take it. It may sound over-dramatic but I feel like Shirley is being buried underneath all the racing thoughts and worries she was forever trying to push out of her mind.

I can't wait!!

2009-04-17T22:42:56Z

can't think of a title XD

2009-03-29T21:35:32Z

So I just realized that I posted this on my Myspace last night (this morning really Xb) but forgot to share it here with you guys XD.

I was just playing around with photoshop now that I've finally gotten it to work again and figured I'd make a Sakura themed background. Maybe someday I'll dust off my old drawing pencils and make some proper fanart for it but until then this is what I've come up with. The quote used is from future parts of the fic (a part I haven't even finished writing yet).

Please tell me what you think of it and feel free to use it for what ever you want. I only ask that you give me credit if you do.

Blah

2009-03-10T06:37:03Z

I'm still stuck. Never actually ended up brainstorming with Tabby...just hung out and caught up on a bunch of stuff with her.

I think I'm just going to put it aside for today and maybe try again tomorrow...see if I can come up with something that I actually like then. Perhaps I should meditate on the matter :)

I'm re-reading Pigs Don't Fly by Mary Brown again. Perhaps that will help me since that book always seems to inspire me. It's my favorite though I don't really know why.

Kiss Me Goodbye

2009-03-09T09:59:49Z

Yup I'm still awake and just trying to kill time so that I can feed Sunny and go to bed (that way I don't have to worry about him waking me up in an hour)

My Life in Itunes

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag 15 friends

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing. (Except not really.)

6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

Prove it--by: Tool

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF

Whispers in the Dark--by: Skillet

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Breaking the Habit--by: Linkin Park

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

You fight me--by: Breaking Benjamin

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Hold on--by: Korn

(I don't know if I like the sound of that...)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

I Am--by Bon Jovi

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Kiss from a Rose--by: Seal

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Nemo--by Nightwish

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Possession--by: Sarah McLachlan

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Slide--by: Goo Goo Dolls

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

The Mummers' Dance--by: Loreena McKennitt

(this one makes me smile)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Your Armor--by: Charlotte Martin

(I don't get it)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

In Memory--By: Shinedown

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Shimmer--by: Fuel

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Wake--by: Linkin Park

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

The Swan Song--by: Within Temptation

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

37mm--by: A.F.I.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

1000 words--by: Sweetbox

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Kiss Me Goodbye--by: Angela Aki

Writer's Block Sucks!!!

2009-03-09T08:33:42Z

Holy crap! Where the hell did this week go?

I'm looking forward to my day off tomorrow (today?). I'll be spending it helping Tabitha and Colleen clean their old apartment but that's okay. They promised me Wendy's and it's been a really long time since we've hung out just the three of us (that is I'm assuming Britt isn't going to be involved anyway).

I have a lot of ideas I'd like to bounce off of Taby for Sakura. I love brainstorming sessions with her whenever I feel stuck on something and maybe Colleen will have some good ideas too (though I don't think she's read much of Sakura yet).

I should probably go to bed and get some sleep but most likely I'm going to re-read HBP some more. I'm so close to finishing year six I can't stand that I'm having writer's block now. I have the ending all mapped out I'm just not quite there yet. Just one or two more scenes and then it'll be smooth sailing from then on.

Maybe it'll be bad luck to say this but I hope to be posting regular updates for Sakura in a month or so (maybe sooner if today proves productive).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RON WEASLEY!!

2009-03-02T03:48:28Z

I just know there's going to be some e-mails in my inbox now to tell me what a geek I am but I don't care. :)

I was hoping that I would be done with year six of Sakura by now but alas life had other ideas these past few months. Due to real life, my short attention span and Fallout 3 there's still a lot of work that needs to be done before I start posting stuff for it again.

It's getting done - It's just getting done very slowly.

Harry Potter--Shattered

2009-01-29T11:29:31Z

This is a video I found on youtube a while back.
I DID NOT MAKE THIS!!!!
I love it because it's so powerful and really makes you feel something.

Wiccan: Intoxicated by Christian Blood!

2009-01-27T23:23:52Z

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0702/wiccans.html

I'm not entirely sure how this was suposed to make me, as a wiccan, feel but I can tell you that it did have me nearly rolling on the floor in laughter.

Not only do they point their fingers at the teenage gothic community and call them all satan worshiping "wiccans" but also go as far as to tell their followers that Catholic preists are Wiccan coven leaders!!

All of the addvertisments also manage to add to the humor of it all. I so want a heathen or witch t-shirt now XD

Stupid People Rant

2009-01-18T14:40:32Z

Anybody who knows me, even just a little bit, knows that I'm an animal person. I LOVE animals. In fact about the only living things I don't like are cockroaches and humans. I'm the type of person that carefully picks up the spider to put it back outside (and as some people can tell you I can be pretty mad if I catch anyone else stepping on it). Now that I have that character trait out in the open we come to the point of this rant:

He's MY cat.

This has been building for a while but has escalated in the past four days or so since we brought Sunny to the Vet for a urinary blockage. I don't care who you are or what you're opinion on cats are but understand that I don't think the same way you do and what you think I don't gave a damn about.

To me $400 is more than worth it to make my baby feel better and I'm more than willing to pay ten times that much if it means not having to say goodbye. In fact $400 is nothing compared to what it could have been and it can end up being more if the food they gave us doesn't work.

Also it'd be nice if you could at least ask me "how's he doing?" or "Is he okay?" when I tell you I had to bring him to the vet before you ask me "how much did that cost you?" Then when the figure comes out of my mouth it would also be very nice if you don't laugh and tell me I should have put him to sleep O.o

FUCK YOU!!!! I'm not putting my cat to sleep just because he had a blockage. That's a problem that can be FIXED. Yes it's expensive but I don't give a damn. I'm sure nobody out there is going to tell the doctor to pull the plug on their loved one just because they have bladder stones or even something as simple as a UTI!!! Why the hell am I going to do that to my Sunny who is more important to me then just about any human life on this god forsaken planet (there are very few exceptions). Why am I so stupid because I actually care for my pets?

I was stupid for worrying over what food to feed him during the recall.

I was stupid for choosing a high quality food that cost $1.20 a can.

Last month I was stupid for spending so much money to treat his UTI and four days ago I was stupid for freaking out when he couldn't urinate.

I spend the extra money on toys that I know will last longer and that he wont tear apart and eat. I only give him treats as a reward and not as part of his daily diet. I try to brush his teeth on a daily basis and I trim his claws regularly. He wears a collar with a tag that has Steve's and my phone numbers on it just in case he gets out AND he's microchipped. I spend hours on the internet researching any new food I come across to see if it's something I should try with him. I have my Vet AND the TWO closest emergency vets phone numbers programed into my phone not to mention directions to both of them hanging on my refrigerator (just in case).

And people KNOW this!! So why? Why do they look me in the eye and say things like that knowing how it's going to make me feel?

Stop telling me my Sunny doesn't deserve to live just because he cost so much (because basically that's what you're saying when you say that) and stop telling me I'm stupid for feeling this way about a cat because the next time you complain to me about you're kid, mother, father, sister or even you're second cousin twice removed having a cold I'm probably just going to look at you and tell you to have them put to sleep.

Damn the muse

2009-01-13T21:01:19Z

So I'm starting to work on another video. That means that work o Sakura is going to slow down some more...sorry. I really with my muse would stop fucking with me XD It happened when I sat down to write and I put on some music (a playlist I always play when I'm writing) and during one of the songs I stopped and was like "Holy crap!! Why didn't I think of this before?!" And then I closed out Word and started working on the audio to get it ready for editing.

Sakura's going to get finished someday I swear it!!

O.O

2009-01-12T10:59:25Z

It's official...Guitar Hero is like crack. Not only did i play for almost three hours last night trying to unlock the Tool songs but then I spent almost two hours playing them until I got them right O.o And tonight I played for maybe four hours and even though my hand hurt I couldn't stop...Damn Steve and his insisting that I "try it out." He knew what was going to happen.

Tonight after work I have to make sure I sit down and write at least a little or else Sakura will never get done. Hopefully he'll be up most of the night playing it so I wont be :D

FanVid: The Lord of the Rings (Boromir); Nightwish--Sleeping Sun

2008-12-31T05:16:20Z

Title: Son of Gondor
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Song: Sleeping Sun
Artist: Nightwish
Warnings: If you squint this could appear slashy. It wasn't meant to be that way but who am I to deny anyone their fantasies :D Also major Spoilers for the characters of Boromir, Faramir and Denathor
Category: Drama
Characters/Pairings: Boromir, Aragorn, Faramir, Denathor
Summary: This was suposed to be just a basic Boromir tribute but ended up incorperating Faramir, Denethor and Aragorn and their influence on Boromir (and his influence on them) and how his death effected them.
Length: 4:05
File Size: 50 MB / 67 MB HQ
Links: YouTube / Download (divX) 50 MB / (H.264) 67 MB HQ
Vidder's Note: This is the first video that I've finished in almost two years and one that I've wanted to make for probably just as long. Boromir has always been my favorite character from both the books and the movies so it took me a while to pick a song that I felt fit him. It was actually when I was watching another video for this song that it hit me and once it did I sat down and started work on it.
This is also my first time working with non-anime footage and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe now I'll be able to finish some of my others :b

Lyrics:

The sun is sleeping quietly
Once upon a century
Wistful oceans calm and red
Ardent caresses laid to rest

For my dreams I hold my life
For wishes I behold my night
The truth at the end of time
Losing faith makes a crime

I wish for this night-time
to last for a lifetime
The darkness around me
Shores of a solar sea
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping
With you

Sorrow has a human heart
From my god it will depart
I'd sail before a thousand moons
Never finding where to go

Two hundred twenty-two days of light
Will be desired by a night
A moment for the poet's play
Until there's nothing left to say

I wish for this night-time
to last for a lifetime
The darkness around me
Shores of a solar sea
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping
With you

I wish for this night-time
to last for a lifetime
The darkness around me
Shores of a solar sea
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping
With you

The computer Gods have spoken

2008-12-21T11:08:39Z

So my computer has decided that it needs a break form editing for the day :( That's alright since I should really rewatch the second and third movies before continuing work on it anyway. It wouldn't be the first time that particular scenes don't play out quite the way I remember them to and I should be a little more familliar with the footage before I start working with it (not like I haven't seen the Lord of the Rings movies a thousand times already :b)

It does give me the perfect excuse to steal the TV from Steve for the day...(we'll ignore the fact that I really should get my Christmas shopping done today with Christmans being in 4 days and all)

Happy Yule and Blessed be.

Movie Quote Trivia

2008-12-12T09:27:42Z

Here's how it goes....
1. Pick 20 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them in a note for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDB search functions. That's cheating and it ruins the fun.

Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea.
~~I ask only for the strength to defend my people!~~ --Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring--Vikki
Release me fast or you will have to answer for this heinous act.
~~Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it.~~ nxdeed --American History X
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.
We both had half of a full life, which was somehow enough for us. But not for them.
This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Cellar Door is the most beautiful.
Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute.
Components. American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!
The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life.
~~... he ran into my knife ten times.~~ --Chicago--Vikki
Ah, good morning. Can I interest you in some nipples of Venus?
I will not be the weak link!
~~Nobody puts Baby in a corner.~~ --Dirty Dancing -- Stephanie
It is truth, but truth is not always appearance.
Jesus said... the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone.
~~The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves. Until one day there are none.~~ --memoirs of a geisha--Stephanie
I move the stars for no one.
My flattery makes you uncomfortable?... Because compliments in your family are usually for some else. The elder sister... That's something I understand. What it is to be the second child. Forever in the shadows...
He's not my father. He's my lover.

(just to let everyone know this is shared between my LJ and Facebook)

Sunny update

2008-12-12T05:00:29Z

Went to the vets yesterday morning. I was right...it's a UTI. Tonight we started him on a course of antibiotics so hopefully it helps him feel better.

My poor baby :(

2008-12-10T07:29:10Z

So I think Sunny has a UTI...actually I'm pretty sure he does. So now first thing in the morning I get to make a phone call to the Vet's office and hopefully get him an appointment for today. Steve has no say in it either. He's not the one who just sat here for nearly two hours reading half of the scary shit I just read.

UTIs can lead to urine crystals and urine crystals can lead to blockages which if not operated on immediately WILL lead to death....

Yup...Sunny is going to the vets today.

Just my Ramblings

2008-12-06T11:57:28Z

I'm getting the urge to do some video editing again. The two videos in particular are ones I started nearly two years ago though and while I'm sure I had very clear ideas about what I wanted to do with them then I have to admit that I really don't know what those ideas were (well that's not entirely true. I have the basic ideas but the details are a little fuzzy). It probably doesn't help that I haven't watched either show in forever.

I'm foreseeing a Gundam Wing marathon in the near future...followed by Wolf's Rain :b Maybe I should add in Fullmetal Alchemist and X for good measure.

O.O

To bad that much TV at one time (well not all at one time but maybe over the course of a week) would probably melt my brain. Still it has been a long time since I've seen all of GW...and X now that I think of it....Damn it now I want to see the Seishiro and Subaru battle....and now I have an urge to read the last volume of Tokyo Babylon...T.T Joshie, Tabby, whichever one of you guys have it I want it back!!!

At least with Tokyo Babylon and X I can use the excuse of "research for Sakura" XD. Not like I don't know the two stories inside and out already though. For all of the anxiety I go through about OCCness of people in the Potter universe I can at least say with certainty that I nailed Seishiro's character in Diagon Alley (comes from reading the manga more times than should be considered healthy)

And now for your viewing pleasure:

That was the last video I finished and was entered into Anime Boston though it didn't win anything.

For those who read Sakura and have never seen this show or read Tokyo Babylon the girl at the end of the video is Hokuto (aka the girl from Ron's dreams). Seishiro shows up in there somewhere as well and Subaru (who will make an appearance sometime during year six) is also in there.

I can't believe I've been writing in this blog all this time now and I've never once shared one of my own AMVs Xb

Anyways, I probably should be getting to bed. I've rambled on long enough now.

another update

2008-12-02T12:54:15Z

Posting to say that I'm still alive...(and because if I don't update half-way on a regular basis I'll forget this is here :b)

November is now over and with it NaNoWriMo (which I did manage to wrote 50,000 words if not all for the same story XD). No We move into December with the scary monster known as Christmas. I'm not ready for it I can tell you that. I'd rather do NaNo a hundred times over then face the Holiday right now. But alas I have no choice T.T

I just hope I don't have to endure any more dinners at Steve's parents house. I really don't find Chip and Hope's bickering as funny as the rest of them do and I can always think of something more useful to do with my time then sit at their table for anywhere between four to six hours. Steve I'm sorry but I'm seriously blaming those two dinners for nearly doing my word count in last month and the only time I want to see them this month is on Christmas Eve (well actually I don't really want to see them but I still don't have a choice for this one)

Anyway, speaking of NaNo I still have a lot of writing to do on Sakura (year six anyway) before it's done. I figure at this stage it's better for me to write it like this since I really have no Idea what I'm doing with it anymore. I know the direction I'm going with it but I'm still fairly clueless on the details so this way if I get it all out there at once without committing myself to anything I can figure out what to do with it.

Already I know of a few scenes that are going to be thrown out and some that have to be rewritten and some things that need more foreshadowing and even a couple of scene that need to be switched around so I'm pretty happy with the decision to hold off posting anymore for now since it all still needs a lot of work.

Now I need to down some more throat medicine and try to get some sleep.

Updates

2008-11-28T05:47:05Z

So Thanksgiving Day just got over with and I have to say that I was quite please with it. It was my first time cooking a turkey and even though I slightly over cooked it I know it could have turned out a LOT worse. As it is it was only a little dry (the brining and basting saved it it I think XD) I will count it as a success. I'm just glad I was smart and made sure I had my thermometer otherwise I probably would have taken my moms advice to cook it for five hours O.o...and that would have turned out bad...but I also think she's used to cooking it frozen (why she does this I don't know).

Anyway enough talking about my moms weird way of cooking dry turkeys.

Tuesday was my birthday and it was funny because at about 5 o'clock when my dad called me to wish me a happy birthday I was like "It's my birthday?" it was pretty funny i guess (it had Steve laughing anyway). I blaming it on the fact that I had worked 11-7 the night before and everyone was wishing me a happy birthday all night and then I got home an went to sleep and so my brain thought it was a new day...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

words hurt more than I originally thought

2008-11-19T13:17:45Z

So I just checked out the Anime Boston website and the AMV contest rules were posted a couple months ago I noticed. It actually made me cry a little bit.

The last time I entered was 2007 and I don't know why the things she said to me that day still bother me.

I still don't know if I'm going to try to enter this year or not...I guess it mostly depends if I actually manage to finish an AMV by then.